Rudd's Advertising Backflip

Too good to miss. Taken.

"Wow, what will they think of next!"

Well, we were all waiting for it, and he certainly didn't let us down - Malcolm Fraser has finally shown his true colours and quit the Liberal Party.

In a sign that the Liberal Party is doing everything correctly, Fraser has quit the party because, according to the ABC, it "was becoming too conservative."

Now, it's been well known for some time that Fraser isn't your archetypal Liberal member - it seems to be something about people named Malcolm. Turnbull is the same - a social liberal in a party of conservatives.

We all know that the normal home for "those" is the Labor Party, but it would appear that, when these guys wanted to join, the ALP said, "WHAT? YOU HAVE MONEY GAINED THROUGH A CAPITALIST SYSTEM AND PRIVATE ENTERPRISE? GO AWAY!"

However, I doubt this piece of news is anything new to the Liberals - Opposition Finance Spokesman Andrew Robb said what most of us have been thinking: "We've become used to Malcolm disagreeing with our positions on many issues for nearly a quarter of a century." Now, I don't proclaim to be a maths whiz, but 25 years ago is 1985 - a mere two years after Fraser lost the 1983 election to Bob Hawke, losing the office of PM. I strongly suspect (nay, I know) that people expected good ol' Mal to disagree with their positions on many issues well before 1985.

So, now all that remains is for Kerr's Cur to go and join the ALP, and, as they said long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, "his journey to the Dark Side will be complete." We wait with baited breath for the sequel to this most unsurprising turn of events.

Menzies' brow would be furrowed.

-M

Tony Abbott: Lip-smackin' good!

Menzies spins in his grave, over this one.

Dale Peterson- The renaissance of popular bigotry

First off, Dylan, I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't help myself and its no big thing if we both post our opinions on this on the page. But if you aren't happy with this, I'll remove it. Cheers.

Now, on to Dale Peterson.

Alabama is, perhaps, one of the more stereotyped American states, most notably for being world leaders in bigotry, racism, xenophobia and winning the war on good taste. Interestingly, though, the focus on the state in this vane seems to have petered out a bit; in fact, Alabama has slipped into what could be termed 'semi obscurity'. However, one man, a man who has been a farmer, a cop, a businessman and a marine during Vietnam has dared to prove that Alabama never loses its bigotry, you just need to know where to find it. And it would appear that I, among others have found it in a big way.

I would refer readers to his Republican pre-selection advertisement for the Alabama Agricultural Commissioner, which can be viewed at the link below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU7fhIO7DG0
After watching this, you would probably find yourself saying 'Only in Alabama', and too true. It was said by Abraham Lincoln "Never underestimate the stupidity of the American people" and in true Republican style, Peterson ticks that box quite comprehensively. Mix in a bit of fearmongering, a gun and some good ol' fashioned bigotry, season lightly with edgy and discontinuous editing and you've got yourself one hell of a policy platform.

You'll notice that Peterson says, while getting down from his white stallion that he was a marine during Vietnam. That shows just how many credentials this candidate has: Republicans have always been better at staying at home while others fight the wars that their so good at declaring and lets face it, everyone loves a war hero that never had to be.

Another great aspect of Peterson's ad is the way he quickly injects fear into the red blood of the Alabamans just like a good Republican economic manager injects money into the economy straight out of the printers. Another point is the way he cites the unkonwn as the core of Alabama's problems, hell, I'd be scared if thugs and criminals took my hard earned agricultural money, or if illegals (presumably illegal immigrants) were sneaking over the border for that matter. I'd be so scared that I wouldn't even have time to realise that Alabama doesn't even border with a foreign country, or that the unemployment rate in Alabama isn't due to an underperforming agricultural sector, I'd reach for the 12 gauge and run to the polling booth, letting nothing get in my way.

An interesting thought in passing is the extent to which Peterson politicises things such as immigration, economic management and the regulation of industries and how this contrasts with the nature of the position that he's campaigning for. Who said a position that is departmental in nature and meant to be impartial couldn't be politicised? No one did, but the Republicans take it one step further and make it an astutely political office. Thats the American way.

This brings me to the final point that I'd like to make about this ad, its the way that after centuries of the Republican Party, they don't feel the need to change the way they reach out to voters, which is implicit in the symbolism. At the beginning of the ad, Peterson steps down from his white stallion, removing his sunglasses and talking dead straight. Isn't this the way every Republican candidate tries to appear? The valiant alpha male with the shiny boots, the cream coloured cowboy hat and the uncompromising focus on how he's talking at the expense of what he's saying.

Then there's the punchy camera work. The average Alabaman doesn't want a one take ad, they want lots of frames and close up revisions ALL THE TIME! EXTREME CLOSE UP! LONG SHOT! CHANGE OF ANGLE! NOW LETS GET A SHOT WITH HIM HOLDING A GUN! This all makes the guy look like a strong, uncompromising leader, who will never let the facts change his leadership: The kinda guy who will shoot on site if you come to his ranch with a detailed explanation of what the 2nd Amendment actually meant.

So what do we get from all this? Well, at the very least, it reaffirms that bigotry is alive and well in the great state of Alabama, and not only that, but that it still influences the operation of departmental structures there. Perhaps Peterson is that one man who never lets Alabama forget its past, or perhaps he's just faling into line with the Republican tradition of letting the volume of the message compensate for its lack of meaning; Not only is bigotry still a popular selling point of departmental politics, its still a cornerstone of any successful Alabaman policy platform.

The Republican Party: Some things never change. I'd say if Menzies had been a few pounnds heavier, wore a cowboy hat and enjoyed shooting illegal immigrants on the border with his banjo twanging mates, He'd be mighty proud of this development.

Fraser: The week that was?

Turmoil in the news this week! I feel like a right prick in just quickly summarising what's just happened before saying anything, but what the hell:

• Greece fails at life, prompting the resurrection of the GFC: the Zombie GFC (ZGFC)
• Australia debates the RSPT, unable to assess its impact on the enormous  haemorrhage developing on the Australia stock market;
• Israel cops a rabbit-punch after using forged Australian passports;
• It is finally proved that toddlers are attracted to moving trains;

What's really breaking in the news this week is Malcom Fraser's official split with the Liberal Party. A reanimated Easter Island statue, Mr Fraser officially defeated Mr Gough Whitlam in 1975 in a game of chicken, to see who could have lunch the longest before finally asking Sir John Kerr to be (or remain) Prime Minister (For all those Americans from the South who think their history trumps any others, you've already been trumped'd). Whilst Mr Fraser's split with the party cannot be regarded as a real surprise, it should be found to be a bellwether for Australian politics. It spells out murky waters for 'Kevin Rudd PM', as the Department for Translating Whatever-the-hell Rudd Says seems a likely creation, as is the appointment of a goldfish as his Press Secretary, to keep KRudd PM up to date on those election promises.

The real significance of Fraser's split the the Libs, however, is how much the Liberal party has changed. Some say that Mr Fraser has simply become more radical in his age, but any suggestion of Fraser going senile should surely be juxtaposed with the state of the current Opposition leadership. And by 'Opposition leadership' I mean 'quagmire of consternation'. Like a Tim Winton novel written in Paris (Cloudstreet, anyone?) we see the pinnacle of the representation of Australian Conservatism pulling blank cards on social engagement and Howard-esque logic on the economic front. Whilst the centre-left continue to drop the ball, we see Australia's peak political entity for accountability looking back and reinterpreting the past. Whilst Australia had their ears pricked when we started seeing some opposition from the Opposition, the wolf went back to sleep when it realised it was just for opposition's sake.

Although anyone next to that prick Tony Jones looks like a saint, it's worth checking Q&A's Monday May 24th's episode just to see Fraser side by side with Australian contemporaries.

Menzies would be proud.

Idiots Guide to the Economy

So you're watching the Australia dollar on the six-thirty news, and it suddenly dawns on you: I know absolutely nothing about what is going on. 'GFCs' and 'RSPTs' seem to be flying past your head, and until now, there has never be a way out of this quagmire of confusion. Behold, your own Idiot's Guide to the Economy. Follow my method, and you're sure to get a reputation as a slightly more bogan Ross Garnaut.

You can't go wrong:

1. Budget surpluses are always good. (I promise you that you'll never know why, so think of the Australian treasury as a kind of magical piggy-bank, either filled with shiny dollars, or filthy IOUs.)
2. Interest rates:
1. When interest rates are increasing, Australia invariably suffers from a skills shortage.
2. When interest rates are dropping, weep for the unemployed.
3. A dollar that buys more US green gets you cheaper plasma TVs.
4. The mining boom:
1. If you live in the West, the mines are God's gift to Australia.
2. If you live in the East, you're praying to sweet Yahweh that something lifts your monthly welfare paycheck.

Aaaand sadly that was not as funny as I thought it'd be! 

But Menzies'd be proud if we named the RSPT to the RESPECT.

-B

"Guys, lead by example!"

A Liberal MP mis-using parliamentary resources? Or should I say, another Liberal MP mis-using parliamentary resources? Are there more questions to be asked?

Will these people never learn? Do they have their own cars? Can they not use their considerable income to pay for stockbroker advice? Must they be unfaithful to their wives? Can't they think? Do they have no brains?

But is it only Liberal MPs? To stop using rhetorical questions for a moment, it most certainly is not! But who else? A Labor MP? A New South Wales Labor MP? A New South Wales Transport Minister? At a gay bar? In a ministerial car? Well, you can't fault his inventiveness - he has to be the first one to try and use those sort of services in a ministerial car...

But is it something of which...

Menzies would be proud?

-M

Tony Abbott; Proving that politics isn't just about being trustworthy

On the day of his appointment as leader of a struggling Coalition, one could be forgiven for thinking that Tony Abbott would be a direct, straightforward and focused leader, capable of steering the Liberals through the turbulent waters of a talent vaccuum. However, this perception can be seen to have ran aground on the rocks of trepidation, recently, with Abbott's experimental form of presenting a strong leadership alternative; weak minded incompetence, failing to appeal. I'm struggling to work out why too.

When you see Rudd's answer to his numerous policy backflips and broken promises, it becomes clear that Labor are in a serious slump, with popular opinion. What could he say? He did what every textbook politician would do: use language with implications that are inversely proportionate to his mood (address Kerry as 'mate' while you indignantly tell him why he could be seen to be wrong) and limit your losses. Based on his recent performance, this is not how our closet maverick does it. When you're Tony Abbott, you take a cigarette lighter to the textbook, get out your 16th century printing press (Abbott probably doesn't believe in laptops) and write your own.

Who said you had to save face and make apologetic excuses to the Australian people, why not make it their fault for not picking up on the fact that you were exaggerating and can't be taken seriously when you're not scripted. If we extrapolate upon this mantra of Abbott's what do we get? Scripted daily conversations? Certainly. "Uh, son, ah, can you, umm, take the rubbish out for, ah, collection", to which his son can respond promptly, safe in the knowledge that this instruction was not made in the heat of daily household conversation, but rather well thought out and spoken accurately.

Abbott's new method is extremely interesting indeed: do away with appearing credible in off the cuff comments altogether, by admitting yourself that in unscripted circumstances, nothing that you say has any founding nor any bearing on what you may do in future. Someone would want to shut this guy up before he gives away all the secrets in political speech techniques and ruins it for every politician devoid of integrity. Or maybe he's saying that integrity should only be used in specific circumstances rather than implicitly. The word 'maverick' comes to mind.

Perhaps the bottom line is that Abbott didn't think out his response to O'Brien's questions very carefully. But why should we have the right to scrutinise his lack of trustworthiness in general conversation, all he wants to do is run the country, let him think up his next sentence in peace.

-W

This Just In: Tony Abbott Promises to Lose the Next Election

"The knee bone's connected to the - Re-sources-tax! The Tax-bone's connected to my - mo-ron-ity!"

 In a bid to win the 2010 Australian Federal Election, Federal Opposition leader Ton-Yabbot has vowed to go out of his way to lose it. Mr Yabbot's schizophrenic policy decisions (that inevitably and quite unfortunately get shot down by his party) exhibit their own unique brand of incomprehensible logic, and are prized for their startling spontaneity. Having recently warned that voters shouldn't accept everything he says as the 'gospel truth', Mr Yabbot has sent opinion polls and political commentators into what is tentatively termed as 'shit-spin', as they debate who is actually the stupidest choice for Australian PM (but not the Sydney Morning Herald, possibly the closest thing in Australian media to toilet-paper, which still runs comics from cover to cover).

It seems clear that from here on out Australia will not be voting for who should be PM, rather, who they think shouldn't.


Menzies would be proud.

-B

It's Official, Rudd is BOTH Howard and Latham

Quickly becoming able to act for both the Australian Government and Opposition, we've all been asking ourselves, who is Kevin Rudd?


Well the jury's back in, and it can be empirically stated that he is a metamorphic mutant able to assume the exact likeness of both John Howard and Mark Latham.

Kevin Rudd's ability to 'lose it' seems to be proving more and more formidable, Rudd's last unwitting "spontaneous smackdown" opponent being beloved light-hearted comedy chat-show host Kerry O'Brien last night - fuelling long-standing concerns Rudd may actually be a parasitic mutant able to assume the guise of former Labor Opposition Leader Mark Latham.

After reports that Rudd had literally skinned former Prime Minister and cricket-retard John Howard alive and worn his skin as a body-suit last election, successive decisions of the Rudd Government have left Labor MPs unable to explain who their leader actually is. This is leaving every Australian with only one real conclusion on the matter: that Rudd is an extra-terrestrial mutant able to shape-shift into other politicians.

If Menzies were here, I'm sure he'd be proud.

I kid, he'd probably have a stroke.

-B

Good ol' Swannie

So we're in for a responsible budget!

Apart from the (obviously responsible) expectation that Australia'll return to surplus by 2015/2016 (I'm sorry, is anyone else laughing?), I think the lack any indication of investment of the Commonwealth's funds in pinwheels is simply abhorrent.

We obviously need more pinwheels! MORE PINWHEELS.

Or maybe we need some sort of budgetary attention towards a Diploma of Education, or at least some form of tact-classes for Tony Abbott - somebody think of the children!

Edit: I stand corrected, somehow Australia'll now be back in the back three years earlier. Looks like someone took the hint-eroonie.

-B

Q: What manoeuvre has the Australian Government always been good at?

A: The backflip.

I'd say Menzies would be proud.

Howard Pep for Queensland LNP

The Brisbane Times tells us Howard popped in to give the the Queensland Conservatives a bit of refresher on what one would normally expect from a Liberal-National coalition. It seems like summoning Menzies to me, but upon further inspection it may be said that Howard may have actually, without a doubt, gone mad.

Recommending that the LNP 'dance with the one that brought you' and that they couldn't 'fatten a pig on market day', one could be excused for thinking that Howard has relapsed into Ye Olde Booke of Idiomes (that, or Krudd's subliminal children's literature).

In what could be described as the Australian state most akin to 'Opposite Land', the LNP has been described as possibly more socialist that the actual ALP. It has even been reported that the QLD Conservatives have even opened up some form of political dialogue with the Greens. Given this, and the QLD LNP's empirical inability to comprehend what the actual hell an election is, it's understandable that Howard should have the cobwebs dusted off him and sent into Queensland to give its state branch of his dear, dear party a bit of what-for.

I'd say Menzies would be proud.